Revelation

I went to talk to one of my professors yesterday about this program that I want to do in Washington called the Public Policy Internship Program and my eyes were opened to a lot of different things. My mind was racing and to be honest, when he asked me what my interests were I didn't know what to say.

I spat out something like commerce, trade, or something along those lines. I told him I wanted to go to law school and then came "why?". I had to freeze. I really don't know why I want to go to law school other than the fact it would serve as an excellent jumping off point. I've set my standards really low when it comes to law school as well, only applying to places where I KNOW I will get in, without giving myself the possibility of succeeding elsewhere. When I think about it though, I don't know what I find so intriguing about being a lawyer. I like to research, I like to present, but other than that, I don't know if I have any other feelings about it. A number of other career options could provide me with that, maybe not as lucrative as a profession in law, but they do exist.

I have never really sat down and decided what I want in my life because I've always just gone with the flow and accepted things for how they are. That's been one of the things that has been tough for me; allowing me to tell myself exactly what my needs and wants are and being fine with it.

The one thing I've been truly happy with has been CARPOOL over the past three semesters, maybe not so much the director aspect of it, but the operations and the fulfilling a duty to the community.

When I was sitting in class yesterday I could hardly pay attention to the lecture because I was so focused on determining what I was interested in and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So here they are:

• Fulfilling something bigger than personal gain
• Processes for effectiveness and efficiency
• Experiencing different cultures/people
• Learning new ideas, ways of doing thing

Things that I do not want:

• Doing the same thing over and over
• Not having personal time

Those are just to name a few. Recently though, I have been thinking about the State Department again. Ever since I became a political science major I have wanted to do something in foreign services, whether it was in the CIA or State, I didn't care. But I suppose the stigma of working these positions for endless hours held me back from truly applying myself to one of these areas. But I think it is where I would best fit. I sat in class and thought about all my coursework that I have completed and saw that an overwhelming majority of the classes that I enjoyed dealt with international politics or economics.

Relevant Coursework:

Microeconomics, Macroeconomics, Microeconomics Theory, Government and the Economy, Western European Government and Politics, Economics of Law, Comparative Politics, Ethnic Conflict, Traditions of Political Theory, Developmental Economics, Public Administration, Russian Language

Yes, I've taken some other political science courses but they weren't enjoyable, at least to me. The ones that are bold are the courses where I excelled because I really liked what I was learning. That's not to say I didn't excel at the others, but learning came easiest in the bold courses because I was able to put my whole self into it because I enjoyed it.

So where does this leave me now? Well, I'm in a predicament.

• My law school applications have been sent out already
• I haven't taken the GRE
• If I wanted to apply for grad school, I would have to do it now
• The PPIP application is due Feb. 6 and I would NEED this internship for State

But, knowing what I'm capable of, I'm sure I can get whatever I need to done. At the moment however, I'm a little frazzled just thinking about it. I only have a few more months until graduation and I want everything settled before I take that walk.

Starting off on the left foot

It always has to begin somewhere and why not at the beginning with the first post. Not really sure what the aim of this blog is going to be, but at least its a start of something. I'm laying around waiting for my CARPOOL exec meeting to happen but its still an hour and a half away. Sounds like a perfect time for a nap.